Taking a leaf out of the book of Amelie Poulain [1] it is time to get rid of Internet Explorer 6 by making it uncomfortable for the end users and blaming something else. To this end we take a IE filter that was made to confuse users — the MotionBlur filter — and apply it randomly to the document.

You can achieve this by including the script available here. Below is a screencast of the effect it has and more detailed explanations of the grand plan that goes with this technical solution.

Seeing amelie() in action

The following screencast shows how the script looks like when run in Internet Explorer 6:

Rationale - the problem with change in the IE6 world

For years now we tried everything we could to get rid of a browser that was written in 1999 and simply does not get upgraded by a lot of corporate users. Specifically we pointed out its flaws:

See the flaw in our arguments? All of these things are technical issues which annoy us to no end but actually do not make any sense to non-technical people who rely on their technical experts for everything that has to do with computers.

Now, as a technical person in a corporate environment, what do I do? Do I keep the systems up-to-date and explain to people who do not want to know about computers what every new update means, or do I stick with a predefined environment that comes with a training session during the introduction to the company and tell people that there is no upgrade possible instead? The latter is the choice for most as it keeps their lives easier and stops people asking stupid questions or — god forbid — customising their environments to their needs and likes.

So, in order to make people (and especially corporate environments) upgrade, we need to make IE6 a non-technical problem.

The evil master plan

  1. Use amelie() in our web sites
  2. Fake confusion and deny any problem when people start complaining - our code is OK (show build test logs if needed)
  3. Get some experts to talk about the concept of "software fatigue". This utter lie should state that software, like any other machine, deteriorates over time and starts to behave in an erratic manner. Explain parts of code as little cogs that get cracked over time or something like that. This works amazingly well - I used to tell people that when they shut down their computer they have to keep it off for 15 minutes before rebooting so "that all chips can unload".
  4. Spread the rumour that IE6's software fatigue means it doesn't work well with video cards and that this could be the reason for the display glitches.
  5. Get other experts to link the erratic display to deteriorating eyesight and headaches in office personnel.
  6. Thus, we turn IE6 into a health and safety issue and companies are much quicker in changing these than they are in changing technical environments because of technical problems.

Thanks for your attention and support.

[1] In the movie Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain or Amélie (in English) the heroine takes revenge on people who did wrong things in very creative ways. One of her victims is her neighbour, a heartless owner of a shop, who she drives slowly but steadily crazy by changing small things in his apartment - moving things around, removing door knobs, changing his shoes for ones a size smaller and so on. It is this kind of discomfort the script offered here will cause.